Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
