did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
