so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
