The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
