I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
