She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
