I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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