Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
