I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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