I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
