ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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