i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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