i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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