you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i've created a new STD.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
