So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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