I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
