I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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