I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
