I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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