he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
