I think scott just propositioned me for sex
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
