Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
