Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
