I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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