STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
