i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
