The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
