All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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