I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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