I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I will pee on everything he values.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
