I got chris browned last night
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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