So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
