He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
