would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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