im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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