i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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