dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
