I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
