I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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