Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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