dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
babies were throwing up all over the place
you would pick up someone in the library
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
