She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
