I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
