i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
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