All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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