when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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