apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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