Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dicks are not precious.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
