garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
