Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
