check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
