Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
