This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
