remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
