he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize