I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
