he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
