You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
