I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
