You smell like stripper and shame
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
