Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Drunk is not a location!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
