JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
