Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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