Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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