dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
