porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
