I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
