I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
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