in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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