Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
