One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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