I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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